Caroline stood by Jim’s grave. It was a pathetic affair really. Just a white wooden cross, stuffed into the ground at an odd angle. His family hadn’t been able to afford much at all. Caroline had offered to put in some money, but they had out right refused her, telling her that they wanted nothing to do with her. They practically blamed her for his death. If he hadn’t been with her then he never would have done a “stupid thing” by trying to protect someone he barely knew.
And Caroline felt guilty as well. They were almost right about the situation. She stood there in silence, the snow falling down around her and a crow crowing nearby. It was her fault. If she hadn’t accepted Jim’s invite, he’d still be alive now. It was the same old story with her and men. She was bad luck. That’s all it could be. She was cursed and she destroyed anyone who even showed her an ounce of affection.
She looked up when she heard someone’s crunching footsteps in the snow. It was William. He had his scarf wrapped around him tightly and was holding his cap in his hands.
“William..” Caroline didn’t know what to say to him.
William stood beside her and looked down at the wooden cross. “I feel so guilty for those times that him and I argued.”
Caroline closed her eyes. “Don’t. You know what Jim is - was - like. He liked a good scrap. He enjoyed it.”
William managed half a smile. “He did at that.”
“I wish Danny was here now.”
“Your friend? You haven’t mentioned them for a while.”
“I guess I was becoming too settled into this life. I was enjoying it too much.”
“There is nothing wrong with enjoying life, Miss Parker,” said William. “Jim knew that.”
“It’s made me focus on my goal now, though.”
“Which is?”
“To get back to my friends.”
William sighed. “Why did you leave the orphanage? The children miss you terribly.”
Caroline began to walk away from the grave. She had left the orphanage a week after Jim’s funeral. She had felt as though she could no longer put her heart into it and had instead moved back to the Black Swan. She had even gone as far as to rent a room above the pub, no longer feeling that she could continue to live with the Fieldgate’s.
“I can’t do it anymore. I need to focus. I can’t focus if I’m busy caring for others.”
William sighed. “There’s always a place for you there. You know that, don’t you?”
Caroline turned to him and put her hand on his chest. “Thank you, but I won’t be back,” she said flatly.
She began to walk away from William.
William huffed and began to follow her. “Mother and father miss you too. They want you to come back to us. You don’t need to live above a pub.”
Caroline laughed. “The pub’s a fine place to live,” she said. “I feel closer to my friends there.”
William somehow felt he was struggling to keep up with her despite himself being physically fit. “I want you to come back to live at Bargate with us.”
Caroline turned around and looked at William. He looked a little sorry for himself, standing there with the snowflakes gathering on his dark hair.
“You want me to come back?”
“Yes,” said William determinedly. “I want you back with us. It’s not the same. I miss you. I miss hearing your laugh and I miss seeing you.” He threw his hat down in the snow. “God damn it, I miss every thing about you, Caroline!”
Caroline was a little taken aback and didn’t know what to say to his somehow comical dramatics.
William hastily picked up his hat and jammed the wet, cap onto his damp head. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” said Caroline.
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| Ainslie Street Cemetery, 1901 |
William stepped over to her. “I am truly sorry for what happened to Jim.”
Caroline smiled sadly. “None of that changes anything.”
She began to walk away again.
“Will you at least come for Christmas dinner?”
Caroline had reluctantly accepted the invitation for Christmas dinner. She had felt like a stranger again when she entered the Fieldgate’s house, but they had greeted her with the same warmth that she had always been accustomed to during her months living in 1901.
And that was another thing - she was about to head into 1902. She could hardly believe it. And she had been thinking about the Doctor and Danny a lot. So many thoughts. She thought that they must probably be dead now. That they had died aboard the TARDIS and she had been the only survivor.
She wasn’t a particularly religious person, but the previous night - on Christmas Eve - she had prayed for them to find safe passage to wherever they were going or for safety for wherever they were now.
And the Christmas meal had been decent enough. The food was, as always, fantastic and the company warm and loving. The sadness over Jim and her predicament was still there, but this was at least a lovely and warm distraction.
But now she was out in the garden in a big coat that the Fieldgate’s had bought her for Christmas. She stood with a glass of wine, looking up at the clouds above as the snow sprinkled down on her. In the distance she could see the large cooling towers by Ainslie Street cemetery in mid construction. And further than that she could see the dark silhouettes of the distant factory chimney’s still pumping out their smoke, even on Christmas day night. And she wondered about all of the aliens up there. Everything she had seen.
There came a cough from behind her.
“Sorry to disturb you, Caroline,” came William’s voice, “but Mother and Father have retired to bed. They wanted me to wish you a very Merry Christmas again.”
Caroline turned and smiled. “That’s very kind of them. I only wish I could have been a better guest tonight.”
“You were fantastic,” said William.
Caroline didn’t respond.
“Come with me,” said William.
He took her hand and guided her to a bench, sheltered under a tree. They both sat down.
“It’s so beautiful out here,” said Caroline, watching the snow fall down.
“It’s just our garden. And it’s damn cold, if you‘ll pardon my language,” smiled William.
Caroline looked up. “Where I come from the sky is polluted with all kinds of smoke and chemicals. This…This is perfect.”
“There’s plenty of factories pumping out rubbish into the air, Caroline.”
“Not compared to my time.”
“Your time?”
Caroline turned to look at William. She realised she’d said something she shouldn’t. In the time that she had been there she hadn’t once spoken about where exactly she came from. She would always remain vague on the subject.
“I meant..” She realised she had no answers this time. And she was fed up of being vague and deceptive.
William looked at her with confused, but hopeful eyes.
Caroline took a deep breath. “If I tell you something, will you promise to believe me? Completely and utterly believe me?”
“Of course,” said William, smiling and taking her hand.
“Are you sure?”
“I’ll believe you. I’ve known you long enough to trust you.”
Caroline looked down. This was it. This was the moment that either signalled her being classed as mad by this man or…or something.
“I’m not from this time. Not from your world.”
William looked even more confused.
“I’m from the year 2012.”
William looked like he wanted to laugh, but something made him stop and carry on listening.
“Before you found me I was travelling in time and space with my friends - the Doctor and Danny. There was an accident and I became stranded here.”
“Stranded?”
“I thought they’d have come back for me, but they must be dead.” She tried to fight back the tears, realising that she hadn’t spoken about this to.
William grabbed her other hand. “This is very hard to believe.”
“You have to believe me,” said Caroline, still trying to fight back the tears. “I’m all alone here. I know what’s going to happen for years after this. I know the horror that’s to come and the pain and the suffering.”
“Your time sounds like something out of a nightmare.”
Caroline smiled, a tear running down her cheek. “It’s not that. It’s what happens before my time that’s the nightmare. War and tragedy and horror…”
“It’s okay,” said William, soothingly.
“Do you believe me?” asked Caroline, tears flooding her eyes.
William smiled at her. “To be honest I always suspected that you weren’t exactly…normal.”
“Cheers!” laughed Caroline through the tears.
“You misunderstand me,” said William quickly. “You’re quite unlike anyone I have ever come across before. I find you…fascinating. Wonderful!”
Caroline blushed a little and smiled, sniffing away the tears.
“So, you’re a girl from another time?” He laughed. “That’s fantastic. That’s wonderful!” He gripped her hands tighter. “And I have no reason to disbelieve you.”
“God, you don’t know how good it feels to get that off my chest,” said Caroline, relaxing back onto the bench. “I feel like I’ve been walking around in a fog for the last six months.”
“I don’t claim to understand,” said William, “but I want to try.”
Caroline sat up again and looked at him. “I haven’t thought about the Doctor and Danny for a while. Well, not before Jim died anyway. I felt myself settling in here.”
“Is there no way that they could still be alive?”
“The TARDIS -” William looked confused as Caroline tried to explain, “ - the time machine that I travelled in was damaged. They put me in an escape pod - a lifeboat if you like - and I should have appeared back in my own time.”
“But instead you ended up here?”
“That’s right.” She got up off the bench and looked up at the snow, letting the flakes fall down on her face. “And I know I should feel sad that I’m stuck here…but I don’t know if I do.”
William got up and crossed over to her, taking her hands again. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“But they were my friends. Why don’t I feel as sad as I should?”
“Maybe because this was meant to be.” He smiled sadly at her. “And who knows, maybe they are still out there, looking for you.”
“Or maybe they think that I’m dead.”
He nodded sadly. “That’s true as well.”
“But I’m liking my life here,” said Caroline, now realising that she was grinning. “Or I was. Until Jim died.”
“It was a true tragedy,” said William, “but Jim would want you to carry on with your life.”
“It’s silly,” said Caroline, laughing to herself, “I never really knew him that well.”
“Tell me one thing, Caroline,” said William. “Is this house still around in your time?”
Caroline looked back at the Fieldgate’s house. It was still there in her time. A lot of the old town had been swept away and replaced by modern buildings, but this area of the town had remained more or less unchanged.
“It is,” she smiled. “In fact, I think it’s an old people’s home now.”
William laughed. “Don’t tell mother and father that.”
They both laughed. And then stopped. Caroline looked into William’s eyes and she realised her heart was beating faster. He was looking back at her, unsure of what to do.
“Kiss me,” said Caroline.
“I’m not sure-” stuttered William.
“Bloody well kiss me, you daft sod!”
William didn’t need asking again. He pulled her in tight, his arms around her waist and kissed her gently on the lips.
When he pulled away Caroline was smiling, tears still streaming from her eyes. “I guess I never realised what I really needed - what I wanted - until now. Until today.”
“Merry Christmas, Miss Parker.”
“Bloody kiss me again, Mr Fieldgate!”
And he did. And the snow continued to fall down around them.
December, 1987
Christmas Day and the White Hart was closed. It was due to open later on in the afternoon, but right now it was closed. At one end of the pub, underneath the large window in the ceiling, Harry Hall, the landlord, had passed out in his chair at the Christmas table. He had cooked the Doctor and Danny their Christmas dinner and Lisa had also been invited along after falling out with her parents the night before.
Harry had drank too much wine and was snoring like an old, car engine.
Danny was feeling extremely tipsy and the Doctor was enjoying watching the young man get more and more drunk.
“How many have you had, Doc?” asked Lisa.
“Quite a few,” said the Doctor, taking another sip of wine.
“Then why aren’t you bloody well drunk?” asked Danny, drunkenly.
The Doctor smiled. “I don’t get drunk. I’m what you would call a heavyweight.”
“Huh?” said Lisa and Danny in unison.
“Not a lightweight. My body rejects the alcohol.”
Lisa and Danny nodded, but both had frowns on their face. They were pretending to understand.
“So,” said Lisa, “you two don’t talk much about your pasts. Why not?”
The Doctor finished his glass and leaned back in his chair. “There’s not much to tell really.”
“Oh, come on!” said Lisa. “You’re always conducting some kind of weird scientific experiment. All that stuff up in your room.”
“He’s a scientist,” said Danny. “A bloody weird one as well.”
“I gathered he was some sort of scientist,” said Lisa, pouring herself another glass, “but that doesn’t explain you, Danny boy.”
Danny looked a little uncomfortable.
“Come on, spit it out,” said Lisa.
“I’m…I’m his assistant.”
Lisa and the Doctor burst out laughing. Harry lifted his head at the sound, looked around him and then fell back to sleep.
“What’s so funny?” frowned Danny.
“I never took you for an assistant,” smiled the Doctor.
“Well what the hell am I then?”
“You’re a friend. Someone who travels with me and learns and has experiences.”
“Oh,” said Danny. “Oh. Okay. So I’m not an assistant.”
“Are you sure you two aren’t a couple?” asked Lisa.
“No way!” said Danny quickly. “I’m definitely into women.”
“Oh,” said Lisa, raising her eyebrows. “And what women are they then?”
Danny looked at Lisa. Although she could be a little brash sometimes, he really liked her. She was fun and outgoing and had a great personality. But he surely couldn’t begin any kind of relationship with her. The plan was to save Caroline and that meant that she’d be erased from time. He couldn’t get too close to someone who was going to cease to exist.
“I’m sure Danny will let you know what women he is into one day,” said the Doctor.
“Well, Danny, make sure I’m top of the list.”
Danny didn’t know what to say and just nodded.
Lisa laughed and got up. She went over to the area near the back of the pub which contained a small area where DJ’s would play music. She switched on a hi-fi system and a small TV monitor in front of her.
“What are you doing?” asked the Doctor.
Lisa swayed on the spot. “We’re having a karaoke afternoon,” said Lisa. “Gotta get my practice in.”
“As long as you don’t sing ‘My Heart Will Go On’,” said Danny, hopefully.
“What’s that?” asked Lisa as ‘9-5 (Morning Train)’ fired up.
“Never mind,” said Danny as Lisa began warbling her way through the song.
Danny turned back to the Doctor who was tapping his finger on the table in time to the song.
“I’m a pretty good singer, you know.”
“Doctor, what are we going to do?”
“What? About what?”
“About Lisa.”
“What about Lisa?”
“We can’t just let her be erased from history.”
“Danny,” said the Doctor, leaning in to him, “she shouldn’t even be here in the first place.”
“Then how can we just sit here with her, knowing what’s going to happen? We should pack up and leave.”
“Never get involved,” said the Doctor.
Danny laughed. “That’s a bit rich coming from you.”
“I meant never get involved with people. Never fall in love with people you’ve only just met.”
“I haven’t fallen in love,” snapped Danny. “I just think it’s cruel. I like her. She’s a nice girl.”
“She’s also an anomaly. Like the rest of this timeline.”
Danny folded his arms and leaned back in the chair. “It’s not right.”
“If we want to rescue Caroline then the only way to do it is by erasing this time line.”
“But,” and he couldn’t quite believe he was going to say this, “Caroline’s happy back in the early 1900’s. You saw. She got married. She had children. She had a fantastic life.”
“She’s your friend, Danny,” said the Doctor.
“I know, I know,” said Danny. He knew the Doctor was right. Caroline being there was the Doctor’s fault and therefore those children dying at the orphanage was the Doctor’s fault. He just wanted to put it right.
Lisa finished her song and stumbled down the stairs and back to the table.
“Go on then, Doctor,” she said, sitting back down next to Danny. “Show us what you’re made of.”
“You’re kidding me,” said Danny, a little taken aback that the Doctor was about to get up and sing.
The Doctor got up, made a slight bow and then crossed over to the stage. A few seconds later ‘My Way’ had started up and the Doctor started singing.
“And now the end is near and so I face the final curtain..”
Danny and Lisa both looked at each other, shocked that such a fantastic voice could come from such a strange bloke.
“My friend, I’ll say it clear. I’ll state my case of which I’m certain. I’ve lived a life that’s full, I travelled each and every highway, and more, much more than this, I did it my way.
Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption. I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway. And more, much more than this, I did it my way.
Yes there were times I’m sure you knew when I bit off more than I could chew, but through it all when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way.
I’ve loved. I’ve laughed and cried. I’ve had my fill. My share of losing. And now as tears subside I find it all so amusing. To think I did all that, and may I say, not in a shy way, oh no, oh no, not me. I did it my way.
For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself then he has not to say the things he truly feels, and not the words of one who kneels. The record shows I took the blows and did it my way.”
And, as the last few seconds of the song rang out, Danny knew that there would be no swaying the Doctor. He was going to put this right, no matter the cost. And Danny wasn’t sure if he could let Lisa be lost in the process.
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