Caroline Parker made her way through the town centre, her coat buttoned up to the top and a scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. This winter had been a particularly mild one, but today had been bitter with biting winds and now the snow on top of that.
She rummaged in her pocket for her mobile phone and pulled it out to check the time. It was 3:35pm and she was late. She'd arranged to meet her old friend, Danny, who had come back for a few weeks from his job in Manchester and, even though he was on holiday, she knew he didn't have time for her to be late.
She brushed the half-melted snowflakes off the front of her phone and continued on her way past bustling shops, and crowds of Christmas shoppers making their last runs before the Christmas holidays. She loved Christmas - the sounds, the smells and the music - but she hated Christmas shopping with a passion. Thankfully these days she didn't have to do that much of it really. She'd fallen out with her parents when she dropped out of college years ago, and her and Danny weren't close enough anymore to buy for each other.
Instead Caroline liked to spend Christmas with her two friends, Kate and Sarah. They never bought each other presents because none of them had that much money, but the company was all that they needed. That was what she loved most about Christmas; spending time with her friends.
She made her way past the bus station and the riverhead where the Barge pub was docked. As soon as she got near it she could hear the loud, rock music coming from inside.
It'd be too loud to have a conversation, she thought to herself.
The music grew louder when she stepped onto the ramp and opened the doors.
She made her way down the wooden steps and into the lower part of the small ship. The bar ran along the right side of the boat and the tables and chairs along the left side. Behind the steps was another seating area and towards the rear was the toilets, jukebox and fruit machines.
She looked around her and spotted Danny sitting underneath the stairs, sipping on a pint of larger. She waved her arms about frantically, trying to get his attention over the loud music. Eventually he looked up, gave her a wave, and smiled, motioning for her to come over.
“I'll just get a pint“, she shouted over the music.
He nodded as she made her way to the bar.
A few minutes later she was heading over to his table with an ice-cold pint of larger. She had always been fond of larger and was never one for drinking cocktails or vodka or anything like that.
She arrived at the table and Danny got up. They hugged each other tightly and then both sat down.
"I'm sorry I'm so late," said Caroline, apologetically.
"Sorry?" shouted Danny over the music as ‘Sure Shot’ by the Beastie Boys came onto the jukebox.
"Sorry for being late!" she said, louder this time.
Danny smiled, his perfect white teeth taking her back to their schooldays together.
"Don't worry about it, Caz," he said, "I've not got anything major on."
"I know you're busy though."
"I'm still on holiday, remember? It's Christmas!" he laughed. "Advertising can wait."
Danny had gotten a job about three years ago with an advertising company just outside of Manchester, and it had taken up most of his time. Since then she'd hardly seen him.
They had been at school together ever since their infant days. One of Caroline's first memories was of Danny pushing her over in a sandpit. He'd been marched by his mum to Caroline‘s house and made to apologise. From then on they'd been good friends. They'd even gone out with each other at school when they were both fifteen, but that hadn't worked out for various reasons, the main one being that they didn't want their friendship to be ruined if it didn't work out for them.
But since Danny had moved to Manchester they'd drifted apart from each other, only occasionally meeting up a couple of times a year. Each time they did Caroline felt a little more disconnected from him.
"How's the job then?" he asked, taking a sip of his pint.
"Same as always," she said gloomily. "Crap."
"I've told you to move away from here," he said. "You need to broaden your horizons and Thornsby can’t do that."
"It's my own fault," she sighed. "I should’ve never have left college."
"It wasn't for you," he said.
He was right. It really wasn't for her. She had wanted to study politics, but a year into her course she'd realised that she actually had no interest in it whatsoever. Her parents were horrified when she dropped out, but she had argued that she wasn't going to ever be able to excel in anything that she had no interest in.
After that they'd stopped talking and Caroline had gotten herself a job at a supermarket. And that's where she'd been ever since.
"I've been there over ten years now," she said blankly, looking past Danny towards the porthole behind his head.
"At least it's a job though," he said, smiling.
She could tell he was trying to make her feel better. "But it's been eleven years, Danny!" she exclaimed. She could hardly believe it herself. “I’m 30 next year. I thought I’d be doing something…well, better with my life.”
"Yeah, but you got that assistant managers job, didn't you?"
Caroline looked down sheepishly. "I thought I did."
"I'm sorry," he said, putting his hand on hers.
She smiled and shook her head. She had failed at the interview. She had done everything right, but one of her co-workers, Evan, had gotten it instead. She had really thought she was better qualified for it. She'd been there since early 2000, but it just hadn't happened. The only thing she could put it down to was her attitude. She had shown enthusiasm, but maybe not enough. Maybe the manager had seen that she didn't really want to be there and that her heart wasn’t in it.
"Like I said," continued Danny, "maybe you should get out of here. Expand your horizons."
"What horizons?" she sighed.
They spent the next hour talking and when both of their throats began to hurt from shouting over the music they decided to head outside.
When they reached the collection of wooden tables and chairs on the dockside the snow had started to come down faster and thicker. They found a table underneath an umbrella and sat down.
For a while the both of them simply stared out at the snow coming down. There were less shoppers now than there were before. The shops would be closing in another hour or so. This was the time when Caroline always liked to go to the shops. The last hour was always quiet.
"Looks like we're in for a bad spell this year," said Danny, nodding towards the sky.
"It can't be as bad as last year," said Caroline, remembering Thornsby's 'Winter Of Nightmares' when the council hadn't properly prepared for bad weather and the entire town had come to a standstill for over two weeks.
"If it is, I just hope they've got enough grit for the roads!"
"Probably not," sighed Caroline.
Danny looked over to her while she continued to stare out at the snow. "Look, is there something else bothering you?"
She didn't look back at him, but she suspected that he had that look in his eye. The look that said he'd seen right through her. And he was right. There was something wrong with her. Something she’d been reluctant to talk about.
"C'mon," he continued, "you can tell me. You know you can."
She looked down at her glass. She could feel the cold even through her thick gloves. She’d talked about this with Kate and Sarah, but she hadn’t spoken to anyone else about it. But even though her and Danny had drifted apart, she still felt she could trust him.
She took a deep breath. "I met this guy a few months ago."
There was a pause. "Go on," said Danny.
"We had this thing for a while. It only lasted a few months."
"Did it end badly?"
"Not exactly. Well, maybe it did," she said, thinking back, "but it was all a bit sudden."
Danny didn't say anything. He just continued to look at her.
Caroline looked up from her drink. She shivered. Her eyes were wet.
"What is it?"
"I fell pregnant," she said, closing her eyes.
"Oh," said Danny, looking away and staring out across to the bus station.
Caroline couldn’t quite tell how he felt from that. Part surprised, part disappointed.
"And this guy?"
"Steve," she said quickly, almost as if she'd forgotten his name. "He was happy. Over the moon."
"So what went wrong?"
She shook her head and looked up to the sky. "We had decided to try and make it work, but about two months into the pregnancy it was just...gone."
Danny frowned. "Gone? The baby?"
"Yeah. No miscarriage or anything. It was just gone. Like it had never even been there."
Danny thought for a moment. "Was it a phantom pregnancy?"
Caroline snapped her head round and looked him right in the eyes. "It was real. It was there. I was pregnant. The doctor's couldn't work it out."
"And Steve?"
"Steve took it hard. He thought everyone was lying to him. I tried to convince him to stay, but-" she pinched the top of her nose, fighting back the tears. "The baby was just gone. It was like it had never even existed."
Across the road to the bus station a man with a long, black coat and a bald head stood watching, his grey eyes unmoving, his thin face deep in concentration. Caroline and Danny hadn't noticed him watching, but similarly he hadn't noticed the dark shape hurrying down the alley behind him…
To be continued...
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